Commit This To Memory
by Xx-Crimson-Butterfly-xX
Summary: Sayuri lives two lives. Both seperated by a thin line of lies and secrets. But when unwitting Kyou Sohma goes delving into her mysterious life, lines are crossed and secrets are revealed. Can the power of Love and Friendship overcome the power of hate?


Chapter One - Once Upon A December

The winter days were short and the air was crisp. The wind would pluck the remaining leaves from the trees with malicious intent and the snow that coated the ground reminded Sayuri of icing on a cake. She stared out of the dining room window, watching the children play in the streets, throwing balls of snow and creating people from the remainders.

She envied them so much.

Whilst they could run and play and laugh, just like normal kids, she was caged up in a house with her older brother and younger brother and sister while her family tried to salvage a spoiled Christmas dinner.

Her father sat at the head of the table, always old fashioned and proud. Sayuri's grandparents were either side of him and the children were situated in the middle. Two uncles and an aunt were placed oddly at the end, and her mother sat opposite her father, desperately trying to carve a burnt turkey. The atmosphere was intense, silence enough to deafen the young ears and the sharp objects placed at each person's dinner matt were scaring the younger company.

Sayuri folded her arms on her lap, her manners always impecable. She kept her eyes low and focused on her plate as her father spoke out.

" Kumiko, darling, would you hurry up with that?" He asked, as her mother's hands shook under the pressure. She tried not to glance around the table, tried not to meet the prying eyes of her parents-in-law, but they were glaring and everyone knew it.

The lights on the Christmas tree sparkled in Sayuri's eyes, giving them a twinkle. Her uncle was sat opposite her, vivid watery eyes fixed on the childs face, and a manical leer. Sayuri lowered her head once more, trying to ignore the sounds of children laughing outside. Her brother, Isamu, struggled to do so.

" Father, after dinner, can I go play in the snow?" He asked hopefully, his bright young eyes fixated on the paternal figure's face. The man at the head of the table seemed to tense, his whole body frozen and trembling.

" No. You can't go play in the snow. Wouldn't that be rude?" He hissed, trying to smile in front of his eagle eyed parents. The young boy frowned, confused.

" Why would that be rude?" Isamu asked, genuinely confused. Their father clenched his fork and knife in his fists and carefully pressed them down on the table top.

" I'll take you outside if you like and show you how rude it is." His father suggested. Sayuri kept a small whimper contained within her chest as she realised what fate would meet her younger sibling should he follow their father. The small boy, aged only four, jumped down from his seat and followed the towering man out of the dining room. A few minutes passed in silence. Sayuri tried not to cry in front of the extended family. She tried not to show her burning emotions as she heard the first crack of the belt on Isamu's back.

Christmas was already spoiled, there was no need to hide from that fact. In the comfort of knowing this, the young girl let a tear roll down her cheek as her mother, the woman who was meant to protect them, ignored the screams and rapidly carved the turkey. Sayuri stared up at her, large, black eyes enough to guilt trip a convict. The mother stared back, cold hard eyes bearing little resemblance to the mother Sayuri once knew.

It was from that moment on that the girl realised her fate. Christmas was cold, winter would end and the ice wouldn't melt. Isamu weeped on their doorstep as villagers watched and Sayuri's family would again be condemned as the 'half breed freaks down the street'.

Sayuri's mother, the tall, cold woman, passed plates filled with vegetables, meat and gravy around the table. Sayuri's grandparents accepted the meal, though her grandmother looked disgruntled and ungrateful as she received it. She almost turned her nose up, until she realised that plenty of people were watching her. Sayuri received her own meal gracefully, tears still creeping down her face, her uncle's grin still worrying her whilst her brother still squealed outside.

" At least Jack knows how to bring up children." Sayuri's grandmother commented as she relished the sound of a screaming child, sipping at her glass of red wine and staring at their mother with expectant eyes.

" Yes, I don't know what I'd do without him." Her mother whispered, biting her tongue to save from uttering the truth.

" Well, Kumiko, it wouldn't hurt you to take a leaf from his book. You are far too relaxed with these children, they need to be taught a lesson sometimes, you know?" The old woman hissed, her evil grey eyes sunk deep into her skull as she stared Sayuri's mother, Kumiko down. The child in the center of the table chewed her meat unenthusiastically. The older boy beside her scowled at his plate. The younger girl one place to the left sucked her thumb as she watched the argument unfold, though still too young to comrehend it.

" I may be relaxed, but they are still my children." Kumiko retorted, her anger growing apparent as her patience wore thin. The old man sat beside her mother in law appeared restless, his kind old eyes weak and tired. He stood away from the seat, his grey hair wavering in the draught from the door.

" I'm going to take the children out to play, they don't need to see this." He spoke loudly, clearly with an air of weakened authority. Sayuri almost jumped from her seat and picked up her baby sister as she did. Her older brother, Daisuke, stood with them, but took time to glance out of the window at his younger brother before following their Grandad into the back yard. The boy was still being beaten and the children in the street had ran and hidden indoors already.

As the children followed their only decent American relative to the back door, they each pulled on their winter shoes and coats and slowly walked outside. Baby Hana toddled about in the layer of snow, thouroughly amazed by it and Sayuri followed, her considerate mind knowing to do so. The elderly man sat on a stone and watched as the two girls played. He was joined by Daisuke.

" Grandfather... Tell me... Is there anything we can do now..?" He asked his closest relative with a look of desperation on his pale face. The old man smiled gently, almost pitiful.

" I'm sorry, young one. This is the way of your father's family. I sure as hell didn't bring him up this way... I'm not his real father. He left when the poor boy was a child. Your grandmother only means well. She had a lot of trouble with your father. But I'm guessing she's grown into the family 'tradition' now. I'm afraid, young man, that you'll just have to be strong and wait until you're old enough to take your brothers and sisters and leave." The old man's words may have been wise but they held little comfort. Daisuke almost cringed as he glanced back at the house, his own mother waving her arms around, screaming at the old woman who was pointing a fork in her direction. The two uncles and single, teenaged aunt sat at the table with expressionless faces.

" I don't want to wait, Grandfather... I want to leave now... Can't you take us?" He asked as he turned back to his role model. The old man sighed, sadness set deep in his watery eyes.

" I'm afraid that's not possible... You see, your mother and father are the only ones who can take care of you, it's not up to me. I'm sorry, young one, if I had the choice... I'd leave with you..." The old man had forsaken his eldest grandchild. The only one who ever put real trust in him. And he'd broken it. Sayuri glanced back at the house and wrapped warming arms around her sister. Her face fell in horror. Daisuke noticed first. He turned back to the house. Looked through the window.

Watched the scene.

There was blood. There was screaming. There was crying. People were moving, running, panicking. The three children stared in terror. Once upon a December.

-----

Sayuri stood away from her bed, her black hair a total mess on top of her head. She stretched her back, relished as it cracked. Running slender fingers through her jet black hair and rubbing her similar eyes, she stood away from her bed and dressed in her usual casual jeans and thick black polo necked shirt. She glanced across the room and the three other beds. Her siblings were still sleeping. She had always been an early bird, none of the others had gained these traits from her mother.

She sighed as she brushed her hair in front of the tiny mirror, then struggled to tidy the sheets on her small mattress. Sayuri perched on the window sill as she applied a thin coat of mascara and eyeliner. She glared out at the snow that covered the ground. Winter had come around again, nine years after a doomed Christmas. The Christmas that she lost dear family.

Sayuri tried not to remember, but it was hard to ignore. She still saw those memories in her dreams. She still watched those images, like sick scenes from a film. She still relived those moments, terrified, not daring to move, even in her sleep.

Still, she threw her rucksack over her shoulder and left her three sleeping siblings warm and cosy in their own small beds.

She walked silently down the stairs and peeped her head around the living room door. It was empty. She breathed a sigh of relief and silently, cautiously crossed the room. She glanced at the money carefully placed on the trophy cabinet. It wasn't much, but it was so tempting to slip into her pocket. She reached a hand towards it, her palm covered the coins. She breathed deep through her nose, the stale smell of cigarettes and spirits hung in her nostrils. She bit her lip and slid her hand away from the cabinet, a few yen richer as she creeped out of the front door and shut it behind her.

The morning was dark and cold, the frosty air nibbled at Sayuri's nose, and she tightened her tattered scarf around her face. Stepping onto the snow, the crunching made her stomach turn. Her feet were already damp, the holes in her shoes left a lot to be desired as she squelched across the empty field and onwards through a small forest that led to the school.

The town was thriving with life as people rushed about to get to work. Cars honked their horns at other drivers, cyclists waved goodbye to the vehicles and people on the sidewalk waited impatiently for the traffic lights to change. Sayuri wandered among them, lost in the crowds, just another face. But hers was calm. She wasn't rushing. She hated rushing. She liked to relax as she took the long walk to school, savouring every step as though it were her last. At least, she would normally. She hated the snow. Today, she tried to walk on the parts of the path that weren't infected by the dirty white covering.

As she lowered her head to watch where she was walking, she must've bumped into fifty people by the end of one street. As she neared the corner, she looked up, eyes hopeful.

He wasn't there yet. She sighed, glanced up and down the road once more, then set off at a steady pace, just in case he might catch her up.

Sayuri stroked her own hair down as she reached the school, straightening it in her fingers and glancing at herself in a car mirror before she entered the warm, happy building. It was her safe haven. It was her retreat. She loved being at school, her only escape from the real world. She hurried as she got to the steps, desperate to get out of the snow. It was Monday morning and there was barely anyone present as of yet. The odd receptionist and senior staff could be spotted carrying coffee around and rushing to their offices, but there were no students to greet the young girl as she slowly paced the halls, like a ghost at Christmas.

She checked her watch. Another thirty minutes before school should start. Sayuri sat herself down on the bench opposite her locker. She pulled out a thick book and buried her nose in it, no rush to get moving just yet.

The thirty minutes seemed to pass like a second as she read about a young couple destined to fall in love. She sighed as the bell rang and she shut the book. It was her dream to fall in love. She had always been a bit of a dreamer. She cast her mind back on the last few lines, difficult to understand, but beautiful in all their complexity. How Sayuri wished she could find her Romeo and she would be whisked away, off her feet, to a better place.

She knew deep down that this would never happen, but she liked to dream.

As she stood away from her seat and opened her locker, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned her head a little to see a familiar smiling face.

" Hey!" Called the girl stood before her. Sayuri smiled. Despite never really getting on with females, Tohru-san was the one girl she could manage. They had known eachother for over a year now. Tohru joined the school a little after Sayuri, and the girls just seemed to click.

" Hi, how are you?" Sayuri asked, her manners still what they were. The slightly taller girl grinned.

" I'm fine! Thank you! How was your weekend?" She asked, opening her own locker beside her friend and shoving her things inside. Sayuri shrugged.

" Same as usual." She chuckled, trying to hide her true feelings for the hundredth time. She knew Tohru well and she had other good friends at school. Still, she could not tell them the whole truth. She couldn't tell anyone. She wished she could, but there was just no choice. And besides, if she let them in on the dirty secret, they'd either disown her or over-react. Sayuri couldn't risk all that she had just because she wanted to be open with them. For the first time in her life, she was happy, at school at least. She was settling. She was comfortable. She didn't want to change it for the world. Right then, there was too much to lose.

" We didn't do much interesting. Just sat around playing video games, went out to see a movie, ate a lot of bad take away... And that's about it! Hehe!"

_Oh, what I wouldn't give to be there... Just once..._

" Sounds good!" Sayuri giggled, trying to hide her envy. Tohru smiled. Sayuri knew all about her, possibly more than any other person at the school. She had even been let in on the big secret. Tohru was living at the Sohma house, something that couldn't be spoken of, for some reason. Sayuri wasn't sure why, perhaps tax reasons, but she kept her mouth closed about it and swallowed her jealousy along with the secret.

" Well, we have Math first thing. Kyou and Yuki are late, again, so don't be expecting them any time soon!" Tohru informed her friend, eyes gleaming with content as they walked the corridors to their lesson. Sayuri smiled up at the brown haired girl then lowered her head, as usual.

They entered the class behind everyone else, and took their seats in the middle, beside eachother. Tohru was always first to get her books ready, Sayuri a little behind, her lazy-self showing through again. The smaller, younger girl readied her pen ten minutes after the rest and subsequently received herfirst telling off of the day, first lesson.

Half way through said lesson; an exhausted looking Kyou tumbled through the door, his hair a train wreck, shirt sticking to his body with sweat. Tohru giggled a little, as he tried to explain to the teacher what had happened. After a moment's disappointed glares from Tanaka-sensei, Kyou was allowed to take his seat on the left of Sayuri, right beside Tohru. The orange haired boy looked perfectly done in as he collapsed at the desk, letting his head fall and thud on the wood. Tanaka-sensei again wasn't impressed by the disruption, but Kyou calmed down and listened as carefully as he could to the rest of the teacher's lecture.

The bell rang, finally, signalling the end of the lesson. Everyone rushed to leave, but again,Sayuri was lagging behind, shoving objects and instruments into her bag precariously. Kyou stared at her.

" Do you ever speed up?" He asked, his usual scowl present on his face. Sayuri smiled sweetly.

" Well, I got here before you this morning!" She laughed. Kyou's face dawned with horrific realisation.

" Oh, god! I was supposed to meet you wasn't I? I'm sorry, Sayuri-chan!" He hissed, a little ashamed to admit to his fault. The smaller girl shook her head.

" Don't worry!" Was all she said, and with that, he'd forgotten about it. The day passed like an hour, and before she knew it, Sayuri was collecting her things and waving goodbye to her larger group of friends. Isamu and Hana had already left for home, and Sayuri had no intention of hurrying to catch them up. As she wandered through the damp forest on her way out of the town, she sighed to herself.

The night would be the same as always. The moon would rise and the same things would happen all over again, for the millionth time. Sayuri was sick of it. She dreaded the night time. She dreaded her so-called home. Yet as she walked towards her evil destination, she sighed gently with hope.

_Maybe things will get better... One day... Maybe I will find my Romeo and I'll live happily ever after..._

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End file.
